Broken Reflections
by Michiko Yokisama
Summary: Fuji and tennis. Two words that simply belong together  or so the Regulars believe. So when Fuji announces his decision to quit, without announcing a reason, their world seems to fall apart. Lots of introspection. Starring Tezuka & Fuji, not quite slash.
1. Captain

May or may not be a one shot. Tezuka wonders what life would have been like if he hadn't had to be a Captain, a Pillar of Seigaku

9/16/07: Edited for some errors.

Takes place in Tezuka's first year of high school.

xoxoxoxoxo

Captain

Tezuka frowned at his notebook as he put down his pencil to stretch.

He knew he wasn't the best at math (or science, or history for that matter), but he'd managed to get through middle school with excellent grades. High school, however, was a different story.

He'd spent a lot of time studying for the exam, but since school had started, he felt as if all the information he'd learned had just leaked out of his brain.

Staring at the page of numbers he'd been working on, Tezuka suddenly realized that his hand had been inching its way toward the phone. He quickly snatched it back. This time, he would get through the homework without asking for help.

If Tezuka was anything, he was proud. If he was a lot of other things, then he'd be not only proud, but stubborn, tennis-obsessed, a perfectionist, and a bad conversationalist as well.

Idly, he wondered what his life would have been like if there had been no tennis. If he was honest with himself, tennis was one of the few things he was good at, and enjoyed.

Tennis was fun. It was Outside with the Wind In Your Hair and the feeling of good, honest hard work. As much as he appreciated the benefits of an education, he'd really much rather be outside fishing, or doing something with himself other than sitting at a desk.

And tennis could be incorporated into school, so Tezuka had worked to improve himself for that.

But what if... what if he hadn't had tennis? What if he hadn't been so obsessed over it? Looking back, there floated the shadows of a million opportunities he had passed up for this one 'hobby' of his. Tennis had shaped him into who he was.

Perhaps he wouldn't be such a perfectionist. Perhaps he would have been better at school. Been more social. Been everything he wasn't.

There were times that he regretted who he was. His teammates in middle school had always had such an easy camaraderie. And then as the captain, he'd always had to be the leader, the strong one.

There were times when he had wanted to stop. To stop being the 'pillar of Seigaku'. Let someone else carry the burden, a voice in the back of his head would tell him. Being a captain was hard – always being looked up to, being in the spot light. He liked winning, but it came with so many expectations. And if anything, Tezuka didn't like letting people down.

But in the end, being the pillar was what he'd worked to be. If he hadn't been the pillar then who would have? Yes, it meant sacrificing things, but if it meant success at tennis, then he was willing. So what if he, occasionally, stood on the sidelines, watched Momo and Kaidoh's regular bickering and Eiji and Oishi's friendship and even Echizen's cool, easy way of gaining everyone's affection, and felt that awful, sliding, cold, yet burning feeling of.. jealousy?

He saw this, accepted it as yet another sign of his inherent flaw, his imperfection. Still, even as he had wanted to give up being the pillar, he had forced it on Echizen. The one person that he'd felt perhaps, could save him. If he could stop being the pillar, the one thing that had changed him so much, changed him into the 'stone' that he was, maybe he could have been closer to his team. Been better friends perhaps.

Even now, he was not sure what he was to his former team mates. Captain? Friend? Mentor?

Whatever it was, he decided, it hadn't been good enough.

Not if it ended with a broken team, the euphoria of those last days of middle school merely a faded memory.

Tezuka noticed his hand had come to rest on the phone once again. With a sigh, he pulled it back and began to work again on his math homework.

xoxoxoxoxo

Hmmm... shorter than I anticipated... I leave it very vague, because I had ideas about continuing this into a multi-chapter story. If I did, it would probably end up being TezuFuji. ...Or TezuRyo. R&R?


	2. Genius

Inspired to write about Fuji too... still not sure if this will be a series of one shots, or a story. :)

xoxoxoxoxo

Genius

Fuji smiled as he watered his cacti. One of them was going to bloom soon.

He set down his watering can, and leaned back on his bed. Not many people appreciated the beauty of a cactus.

The first thing everyone connected with cactuses was that they were spiny and prickly on the outside. But they could surprise you with beautiful blossoms. Plus they were good weapons.

Fuji felt that a cactus was a bit like a person. People could be so cold and cautious on the outside, and inside, they held surprises, just waiting to be revealed. If you treated someone properly (i.e., pulled the right strings) you could be rewarded with interesting events.

Fuji liked interesting events almost as much as he liked pulling peoples strings. The harder they were to pull the better. Challenges were fun.

Just like cacti. The prettiest ones were always the hardest to care for. The hardest to break open and read. Fuji prided himself on being hard to care for.

Usually.

"Taidama!" called a voice from down stairs.

Fuji's eyes lit up, showing unusually happy emotion. Yuuta was home. Fuji got up from his bed quickly to greet his brother.

"Yuuta!" he exclaimed, walking into the kitchen (the first place his little brother always headed in any house), "Welcome home! It's good to see you. I didn't know you were coming home this weekend."

"Aniki," grunted Yuuta by way of greeting. "I didn't know either." He grabbed a few more sticks of pocky from the box and headed for the stairs.

Fuji was undeterred, and followed Yuuta up. "Really, why-"

He was cut off by the slamming of Yuuta's door.

For a brief second, with no one else to see, Fuji's eyes reflected grief and anger.

He headed back to his room and lay down on his bed again, eyes wandering over his cacti and out the window.

Sometimes Fuji wondered what life would be like if he hadn't been a genius.

People were always expecting so much of him. He had to be perfect at everything and anything. Probably, he mused, someone out there expected him to be a genius at doing something ridiculously mundane, like snorting milk out his nose.

So why had he chosen tennis? Originally, it was something that Yuuta had wanted to play. It was perfect, Fuji had thought. Tennis required two people. Two people meant Yuuta and him. They would play together, have something in common. He could be a better brother.

But tennis seemed to have done the opposite of that. They were even farther apart now then they had been. For all that he was a genius, it seemed as if he could do nothing right concerning Yuuta.

He'd stuck with it though, out of a sheer stubbornness that Fuji had not known he'd had. Normally, he gave up on anything the instant he sensed it was beginning to bore him.

And then, he'd gotten trapped. Trapped by the tantalizing image of being above and beyond everyone, not because he was a genius, but _because he had earned it_. The dream of Nationals and winning. He'd been drawn in by that feeling. The euphoria of winning a match. Of doing something. The feeling of the wind in his hair. The fear of his opponents. Tennis was fun.

Eventually, Fuji realized that somehow, somewhere along the way, he'd fallen in love. Fallen in love with tennis and everything it promised.

So he'd won the Nationals with his teammates. He'd won tennis and won everything that tennis promised. Except that he'd also lost his little brother.

What other reason did he need for anything? For all that he came across as sadistic to others, it was only because he cared so much for his own family, he'd long since used up all his Care. Yuuta and Yumiko, the only two constants in his life.

Tennis was, should have been, only a side entertainment. How had he let it take over? Because everyone had looked at him admiringly, had marveled over his amazing tennis skills? _But,_ Fuji thought, frustrated and slightly jaded, _I'm a genius, so that's expected._

People were always acting like that. So ridiculously focused on one defining characteristic, that they could not see beyond it. That was why he always seemed to surprise people. And Fuji liked surprising people, if only to see their reactions.

He'd never really had to work for anything before, and now that tennis had given everything it had promised, its allure was gone, the attraction vanished.

Fleeting glory. Nothing that would really last.

Now, it was just two people standing on a lonely court, hitting a small green ball back and forth.

Somehow, the realization came as a complete surprise.

xoxoxoxoxo

Please R&R! Constructive criticism is very welcome, because I don't proof my works too well. :)


	3. Betrayal

New Chapter! Still uncertain about the years of high school that the story will be taking place in, so I may eventually have to go back and change a few things.

Actual story or plotline still nonexistant. eheh.

xoxoxoxoxo

Betrayal

Fuji had quit tennis.

The words 'Fuji' and 'tennis' belonged together in every sentence, in every sense except that one.

He had felt - indeed all the regulars had sensed in some way - the ominous approach of high school.

High school. It was supposed to be a new start. A fresh slate.

So why, the instant they'd stepped foot into the school, had everything begun to fall apart?

In hindsight, he should have known. Should have seen it coming. But he'd let his guard down.

Tezuka did not understand, although he knew he should - he had been the captain after all. Tennis was the one thing that had been able to join them all together. All these people with such different personalities. Tennis... was something that he had worked hard for. That they all had worked hard for. As the leader of team, they'd depended on him for guidance and support.

But Fuji Syuusuke was another matter entirely. Tennis had seemed to come so effortlessly for him. Watching Fuji Syuusuke play tennis was like being in a dream. So Tezuka was content enough to let him be. Captain he was, but slave driver or freedom cager he was not (no matter the claims of the others in the club).

Though Tezuka had the leadership abilities, he did not have what Fuji did. He knew he did not. Tezuka was defined by reality, though it did not stop him from dreaming big. What he wanted, he reached for, he drove and aimed at. No matter the sacrifice, no matter the pain, because what else was there?

But Fuji defied reality. No one really knew what he was thinking. An enigma.

And nothing could stop an enigma.

Nothing but itself.

Tezuka _could _not understand. Because it was something that he himself had worked so hard for. He could not imagine life without it. Could not imagine having worked for something so long, and then just giving it up. Just like that.

Fuji and tennis belonged together. That was the world that Tezuka had lived in.

It was a world where Tezuka had allowed himself to envy Fuji - just a little bit - for his tennis skills. Looked up to him, because he was just that good, and able to get along with everyone. It was like a fresh breath of air, being able to justify it.

Tezuka knew he was not perfect. Every pillar had its faults.

He knew where his faults lay. Materialistic goals he could reach. If it was solid. If it was real and tangible, he could reach for it. Could draw plans, make contingencies, work for it.

The feelings and abilities that came with socializing had been that much harder. Tezuka did not see the benefits of chatting at lunch. He saw the benefits of asking Sensei questions. Yet for all his objectivism, Fuji had always been there. A support beam, if anything. Allowing the team flexibility, and to bend with the pressure. But always strong.

Fuji's laugh would be enough to clear up the air, bring everyone together. And Tezuka had felt, perhaps, that he'd made headway. Been brought out maybe just a little by that person, connected a little better. Been reassured that he was leading the team correctly. Tough at times, but they'd always get through.

But not now. Not anymore.

As far as Tezuka was concerned, he had been betrayed.

He'd betrayed himself, by relying too much on his team. He'd stopped being the pillar at some point in time. He'd let his guard down. He'd let himself down. Failed his team and himself.

But ultimately it could not have been his fault. He was still here, wasn't he? He was still strong, still playing.

No. Their world, their team had been betrayed by one, and one alone. One that they had thought their own.

Betrayed by Fuji Syuusuke. And that was unforgivable.

xoxoxoxoxo

Note: If anything seems contradictory, that, I think is the point. I'm really just exploring, seeing where this will go. After all, human beings are contradictory creatures.

Please R&R!


	4. Right

Perhaps coming up with some semblance of a plot? I'll leave the timeline up in the air for now.

xoxoxoxoxo

Right

Fuji walked home slowly, musing over his day, his life. It hadn't been all that bad... considering.

Was it really so odd? So wrong?

They called themselves his friends. They should have realized that he'd lose interest sooner or later.

It changed nothing. Tennis was just another sport, just another hobby. To some (like Tezuka, maybe) it was almost blasphemous to say that. But in truth, that was all it was. Right?

So why did they look at him, as if their world had been destroyed around them? Why did they look at him, as if they'd never seen him before? A traitor, a stranger in their midst.

They had known, in fact, most of their tennis world had known, despite all his efforts at privacy, about his 'problem' with his brother.

It had been odd to realize that something so personal could be shared so widely amongst these people that he barely knew. It had hurt a bit, at first. But then again, it had also hurt to keep the truth to himself.

Fuji hadn't known how to feel, exactly, and that had been a first. So he'd decided that he wasn't going to feel much of anything, really. See how it worked out.

And somehow, it hadn't. Hadn't worked out. Somehow, he'd forgotten. Somehow, he'd allowed himself to stop feeling. Hadn't he vowed to always be sensitive to these sorts of things? He wasn't a sentimentalist, he knew, but he was in tune to the feelings of others, no matter the way he actually reacted. That sort of understanding came from being an older brother.

And an older brother always protected the younger one. That was just the way it worked.

But it hadn't worked that way. He'd promised himself, and promised Yuuta, that time when he'd been careless and lost track of Yuuta, and Yuuta had gotten beaten up. It was his fault that he'd been too late to help. So he'd promised.

Always there. I'll always be there for you.

Fuji unlocked his front door and walked in silently, not bothering to call out. Knowing no one would be home.

He'd forgotten in all the glory about his promise.

Tennis had come and gone, and they'd ended up even farther away.

I'll always be there for you. But where will you be?

It had been a betrayal. Of himself and of his family. Of his brother. And now it was too late to go back. Too late to make things right again. But he could try.

It hurt, yes. Fuji knew that without a doubt, he'd put a lot into to tennis (no matter what anyone else thought), enough that he'd be unable to walk away without _something_. But he'd numbed himself for so long, that a little more wouldn't do any harm.

It was the price he had to pay. The price he was willing to pay to hold his family together. The price he had already paid without knowing it.

So he had to try. To make it right again. His friends would understand. And if they didn't, then were they really his friends?

Right now, it didn't matter. Tennis didn't matter. Not anymore. He'd realized that - perhaps too late.

He'd become complacent. A genius at everything, right? That's what they all said. But since when had he listened to what anyone else said?

He hadn't. 'Never let your guard down.' He should have listened. He wasn't a genius if he couldn't hold together what was most important to him.

And now, he wasn't even sure of what he _was_ holding. Not sure why he even bothered.

In his room, he picked up one of the two picture frames he had on his desk. Him, Yuuta, Yumiko, Mom, Dad. The only photo they had where they were all together.

Was this what he was trying to hold together? This photo, which was the closest he or Yuuta would ever get to having a tangible family?

Fuji gently placed the picture back on the table, and threw himself down on the bed, not bothering with elegance since no one was watching.

Was it worth the effort? Of course it was. Of course he had to try. For himself. For his parents and Yumiko who might as well have been their mother. And especially for Yuuta.

He closed his eyes against the afternoon sun and against the heavy silence around him. The dust danced golden in the light, and Fuji Syuusuke hoped with all his heart that he could still make things right.

xoxoxoxoxo

Re-reading this, I think it might be a bit confusing. Questions? Comments? Please R&R! Next chapter will be a mix of other perspectives I think.


	5. Interlude: Teammates

All the Regulars get in on the action! (In this, Ryoma has always stayed in Japan, so yes, he's in here.)

I'm worried I didn't get the personality through for some of the Regulars (particularly Kaidoh and Kawamura, maybe Ryoma - haha, you can tell because they're the last people I wrote). Tell me what you guys think, ok?

10.16.07: Edited

xoxoxoxoxo

Teammates

It's weird, nya. Fuji was always there for us, so when he said he was quitting, our entire lunch table got so silent, I just wanted to stand up and shout or scream. It's not fair! We worked so hard together; we were always going to be a team. And he was soooo good at tennis too, nya! I wanted to ask him why he was going to quit and how he could just up and LEAVE like that, but Oishi stopped me. Oishi looked really sad too, and he just gave me that _look_, so I let him do the talking. But turns out it really didn't do any good and now I still want to go scream at Fuji, except Oishi says we shouldn't.

It was his choice really. The entire table was shocked. We'd all been talking about signing up, and then Eiji asked Fuji about it, and he just announced very quietly, with that smile on his face as if it was the most normal thing in the world that he was going to quit. Of course I was shocked. We all were. Fuji, of all people, quitting tennis? It was... unfathomable. Until it happened. I could tell that Eiji was about to say something, and as friendly as Eiji can be, he has a habit of saying the wrong things at the wrong time, so I stopped him. There was... a look in Fuji's eyes. I didn't really know what to say. And he didn't really want to hear.

Fascinating. There really is no other word for it. He continues to defy my data time and time again. And while I can't say that I'm happy about it... it's still fascinating. Why would Fuji quit tennis? I have many different hypotheses that I want to test. But there is no doubt that they must be carried out carefully. I have always prided myself on being a careful observer, and there was no denying that Fuji was hiding something. Something was wrong. As his friends and teammates, we must discover what it is. The probability that Fuji Syuusuke will keep the true reason to himself is a hundred percent. The probability that this secret will cause him pain... preliminary calculations - 58.6 percent.

I knew something was wrong the instant I got the phone call. I mean, seriously? Eiji-sempai never _willingly_ pays for burgers. But hey - who am I to turn down free food? Plus, Eiji-sempai usually makes a big deal out of nothing, but... good thing I went 'cause it really _was _important. It was weird enough to have our 'dream team' broken up for schooling and Kawamura-sempai. And now Fuji-sempai too? I mean, he was my idol. Well, ok, I looked up to Tezuka more, and as much as I hate to admit it, Ryoma impressed me a heckuvalot too. Still, I can't imagine him not being on the team. But... I guess we'll still see him around right? There's still street tennis and stuff. He's still our friend after all. And no matter what, still our teammate.

Fuji-sempai, quit tennis? Fsshhhh, of course it's a joke. That's what I thought at first. But even that idiot Momoshiro knows better than to joke about that sort of stuff. And he was completely serious when he called. No joking. It's weird, I guess. I mean, I work really hard at tennis. And I really enjoy it. I thought Fuji-sempai liked tennis too, but... looks can be deceiving. I don't really know what to think. Maybe he wanted a new start? Maybe he had other things he wanted to do. But... it still doesn't feel right. That he would just give up like that. Fssshh, but like that stupid peach says, there're always the street courts.

It's really shocking. I really wanted to see the team continue. Even knowing that I had to give up tennis, I gave it my all, and I don't have any regrets about joining the family business. But for Fuji... I know, we weren't necessarily the best of friends, but I'm worried about him. There's something off with just giving up like that. He always seemed so confident on court. And supposedly, he didn't even give a reason. Tezuka-buchou won't even talk about it. And everyone else is really worried in their own way. Maybe even a little scared. I know I am. After all, if he could leave so easily, where will the rest of our team be?

Hn. Fuji -sempai is even more of an idiot than I first thought. And so're the rest of my sempai-tachi. Don't even know why I bother calling them that if they're so dense. He's obviously hiding something. He's just got to pull himself together. But... it doesn't matter. He can't deny that he loves playing tennis. Mada mada dane, sempai. We're your teammates, and you can't run away forever.

xoxoxoxoxo

Sooo... good? Too Fuji-centric? (And if you're a new reader, feel free to leave reviews for every chapter. Haha, I would love to hear what you have to say)


	6. Dreams

These next chapters, I'm going to be changing from the previous, 'introspective' style to a slightly more story-like style. I hope no one minds.

xoxoxoxoxo

Dreams

_The room was glowing gently, filled somehow by the calmness and happiness of the people inhabiting it. It was one of those rare occasions when he, Yuuta, and Yumiko all had the time to get together for dinner. _

_Such an event hadn't happened in quite a while, and even as he smiled at one of Yumiko's stories and stole the last remaining piece of miso-itame_(1)_ from Yuuta's hovering chopsticks, Fuji felt uneasy._

_This had... happened before, hadn't it?_

_The phone began to ring. He stood up automatically to pick it up, and as his hand closed upon the receiver, he saw only the horrified faces of his siblings before all else was plunged into darkness. _

_Riiiiing. Riiiing. _

_The solidity of the phone and the steady ringing was all that he could sense. _

_Time seemed to slow down, and with every ring, his heart seemed to shudder, his breath catching in his throat. _

_His hand seemed to move on its own, picking up the phone and bringing it slowly to his ear._

_"I'm sorry," the awful voice was filled with static, "But there's been...there's been" The voice was strangely loud although it had been whispering only moments ago. The static built higher and higher, and he could not hear the rest of the sentence. He did not want to hear it. The noise rolled and echoed, building on itself, filling his mind, and -_

Fuji's eyes snapped open, his heart pounding. He sighed and rolled over, knowing any sleep he got would not be restful.

xoxoxoxoxo

"Syuuusuke! Wake up!"

Fuji mumbled a bit, and then rubbed at his eyes.

"Syuusuke! Good thing I decided to stay over today, eh?" Yumiko was at the door, smiling at him, "You better hurry, or you'll be late to school. I'll give you a ride."

"Thanks, Onee-san," he replied, mind still foggy. She nodded and then left, closing the door behind her.

Fuji frowned as he changed. He'd had some sort of dream, he knew, but he'd forgotten it already. Whatever it was, it hadn't been very nice. He stifled a yawn as he entered his bathroom, and knew it was going to be a long day.

xoxoxoxoxo

School was busy as usual, but the weather was comfortably warm - bordering on cool. The classroom windows had been left open, and Fuji breathed in deeply, relaxing. The next teacher had yet to make his transition in to class.

"Umm... excuse me," said a quiet voice to his right.

Fuji looked up to see a girl - Ishikawa Misaki. Her friends seemed to be hovering at the door, waiting anxiously. Fuji smiled patiently, wondering what she wanted. He knew that Ishikawa was in his fan club, but girls usually liked to find a quiet corner before 'confessing'.

"May I help you?"

"Well, that is, Kikumaru-kun says that... you're quitting tennis, and I..."

Only strong self control kept him from frowning. The rest of the girl's inquiry was completely blocked out. He'd thought - and obviously thought wrong - that perhaps this would be kept a secret. No, he should have known better than that. Rumors in school were always quick to spread. And when the rumor concerned a member of the prestigious tennis team... And his own attitude, so seemingly carefree. Of course. Why would anyone have considered that a secret, a tender subject?

"Fuji-san?"

Fuji blinked, realizing that she was still waiting for an answer. A quick glance around the rest of the class revealed that several others seemed to be waiting as well. He closed his eyes, and smiled carefully, "Yes, it's true."

xoxoxoxoxo

He was followed the rest of the day by whispers and stares. By lunch time, Fuji had had enough of it all. He stopped Eiji once in the hallway to tell him that he had to meet with his teacher for lunch, and then headed off, not wanting to see Eiji's reaction. Not wanting to face the others. Not today.

It was a lie of course. After ensuring that he was out of sight, Fuji began to head toward the roof. Today... he needed time to think. Time away from the noise and drama of school.

The roof was... quiet and peaceful and warm. Fuji sat down and closed his eyes. The entire situation was giving him a headache... but - a little smile worked its way to his lips - at least he had after school to look forward to.

They'd been trying for a while now to keep together as a family. Usually, it was Friday evening dinner together, but Yuuta hadn't managed to make it, and this afternoon, he'd managed to convince Yuuta to spend time with him. With that thought in his head, Fuji drifted slowly off to sleep.

xoxoxoxoxo

_Riiing. Riiiing._ Riiiing.

Had he fallen asleep? Fuji sat up, and looked around. The warning bell had rung. He'd be late for class if he didn't hurry. Shaking his head, he got up from the ground and made his way to the door.

He paused before opening the door, listening to the dull murmur and buzz of the people on the other side. He had a headache.

He set his forehead against the cool, shaded metal of the door.

_"I'm sorry, but there's been-"_

With a gasp, Fuji pulled himself up straight and yanked open the door, allowing the voices of the students to spill over him and drown out all else.

xoxoxoxoxo

_"Are you Fuji Yumiko or Fuji Syuusuke? Yes? Well, I'm sorry, but there's been an accident."_

xoxoxoxoxo

(1)miso-itame: baisically stir fry, but with miso sauce. Yum.

(2)The next teacher had yet to make his transition in to class: In Japan, the class stays in the same room, while the teacher has something like 10 min. to make his/her way to the next period.

Aaaannnd... Fuji goes bonkers! Well, not really. But he's got some stuff he needs to work through. And maybe a complex or two. Hope that wasn't too weird. Please R&R!


	7. Premonition

Thanks for the reviews! Not much get's revealed, because now its Tezuka and co.'s turn.

Edited: 12.05.07 for minor errors

xoxoxoxoxo

Premonition

Tezuka woke that morning feeling restless. Something was wrong. For a second, he could not place the feeling. Suddenly, he remembered and felt stupid for forgetting. Fuji.

The sinking, unsettling feeling in his stomach would not go away, and Tezuka managed only a few bites of breakfast (though he knew better than to exercise on an empty stomach) before heading off to school.

Somehow, if felt blasphemous to be going to tennis practice knowing that Fuji would not be there.

Though the sky and birds begged to differ, Tezuka knew that this would not be a good day.

xoxoxoxoxo

After morning practice, Tezuka walked down the hallway, lost in thought.

Tennis really had not been the same without Fuji, but as much as he hated to admit it, being on the courts themselves had helped. Just being able to focus entirely on the game without thoughts of anything else. Of course once he got off the courts, he'd felt guilty.

And then a little angry. Why should he feel guilty when Fuji was the one who -?

No. Tezuka forced himself to be honest. He was... confused more than anything. He felt betrayed, yes. But it was not an angry, burning feeling. It was sad.

It was the feeling of being abandoned without any answers.

That was what he wanted most. Answers.

xoxoxoxoxo

Those answers were not forthcoming.

They did not have any classes together, and though it had seemed at first a pity, Tezuka felt almost relief for it now.

Every time he caught a glimpse of Fuji in the corridors, his stomach seemed to twist. His heart would leap up to his throat. What would he say? What would he ask?

But in the end, he never said anything because Fuji saved him the trouble of it by making sure to avoid him in the halls.

xoxoxoxoxo

Lunch time arrived to see somber faces and anxious expressions.

Eiji came running in, frowning. A bad sign. "Fuji said... Fuji said that he wasn't going to eat with us today, nyyahh, I'm worried about him."

Oishi shot a worried glance at Tezuka, but addressed Eiji, "Did he look sick at all? Did you try to really talk to him? Let him know that we're here to listen if he feels like talking to us?"

"Well I would have, but he didn't really _want _to talk. He just walked away! Fuji's being so cold, nyaah."

"Surely there's something we can do," Oishi sighed.

"As his teammates, there is a hundred percent chance of an opportunity appearing when we, or at least one of us, will be in a perfect position in which to 'do something' for Fuji. Although there is a 63 percent change that 'doing something' will make things better, and a 56 percent chance that 'doing something' will make things worse," Inui recited, seemingly from memory. "I've been doing some research. Perhaps-"

"What if it's something to do with Yuuta?" cried Oishi, "What if Fuji is feeling upset because Yuuta is still ignoring him?"

"Well," Inui coughed, continuing, "that does not seem to be the case - only an eight percent change. In fact, it seems that they've actually been spending some more time together. Their sister takes off every Friday afternoon to go have dinner at home." Inui paused, as if waiting for something.

The rest of the table slowly mulled over the information.

"Well..." Oishi began slowly, "do they meet... anytime specifically? anywhere?"

"In fact," Inui's glasses glinted, "Fuji appears to have a 'date' with his brother this afternoon."

"I see, I see!" sang Eiji, looking happier than he had since lunch started, "then, we can follow him and make sure everything's ok!"

Inui nodded, "Yes, it's really the only lead we have. I'll call in Momo, Kaidoh, and Echizen as well."

"Nyaah! Don't forget Taka!" cried Eiji, "It'll be just like old times."

Oishi smiled, but his eyebrows remained furrowed, "Yeah... just like old times. Tezuka, will you be coming?"

Tezuka looked around the table. Of course he would come. Whatever had gone wrong, he had to make it right. _They_ had to make it right. Because they were a team and teams stood together. This time, he wouldn't mess up.

"Of course. Don't let your guard down."

Yet even as he said it, he once again felt that twisting in his stomach and saw the same feeling reflected in Oishi's eyes, in Eiji's dampened movements, and in Inui's untouched notebook.

xoxoxoxoxo

Inui makes himself useful. Haha. That last one percent was "probability that Fuji really doesn't care," according to Inui's notebook, but he didn't want to tell anyone that.

I was going to make Tezuka still be angry at Fuji, but he didn't want to be mad anymore. Please Review!


	8. Ice

Somethings are revealed. But not really. :D

Thanks so much for everyone's wonderfully kind reviews! This is the longest chapter yet!

xoxoxoxoxo

Ice

The day's beautiful weather held as Fuji and Yuuta made their way down the street, window shopping for the most part.

The rest of the Seigaku team followed discreetly in pairs or trios, enjoying the day as much as they could. However, despite their seemingly carefree banter, none of them could forget the real reason why they were there.

"Neh," Yuuta turned to call over his shoulder, "aniki, let's take a break for a bit." He gestured at an ice cream parlor off to his left.

"Sure..." replied Fuji, and the two made their way into the small building.

The rest of the regulars trickled in and found a table - close enough to overhear the conversation, but blocked by enough people and decor to remain unseen for the most part.

"Shhhhh," Eiji whispered, quite unnecessarily, "They're talking."

xoxoxoxoxo

"So, Yuuta, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Tennis. Mizu-...uh... well, the team did practice this morning. And there was supposed to be practice this afternoon," he glared at his brother, "but since you made me skip..."

The waitress came to take their orders. Once done, Fuji turned back to business, "Hmm, yes, well, anything else? Anything bothering you? You know, I'm always here to listen and to help you."

Yuuta's glare transformed into an intense, suspicious look, and then settled into a soft, unplaceable emotion, "Aniki," he said wearily, rubbing an eye with the heel of his palm, "Listen, I know you're worried about me, but I'm fine."

Yuuta looked at Fuji carefully as if to measure his reaction. There was none. "I'm fine," he repeated, "seriously."

"Well, I know you say that Yuuta, but your sister and I worry about you."

Yuuta threw his hands up in the air, looking exasperated yet thankful (yet... concerned?) at the same time, "No, you're not. Or - well - at least _she's_ not. She's dealing with this her own way. And I am too. Aniki..."

That something unplaceable in his eyes had come back. So had the waitress. She placed both their orders in front of them, but neither made a move to touch the ice cream.

Fuji hurried to cut his brother off before Yuuta could continue his previous sentence.

"You should visit more often. We miss you. And you never know what could happen. Maybe you should even come hom-"

In his hurry, he'd stopped watching Yuuta.

"_No_, aniki! How many times to I have to _tell_ you? I'm _happy_ where I am. Really, honestly happy. I... I don't hate you." Fuji felt his chest tighten. "But you need to stop holding on."

"Yuuta..." _How can I let go?_

"...you..." The words died on Yuuta's lips, as he looked carefully at his brother.

Fuji turned away and pretended to be interested in the wall decor. Ah. On the other side...his... team.

"Aniki," Yuuta who had turned to see what the matter was, now stood up, frown in place, fished around in his pockets, and dropped a few bills on the table, "let's go. We can talk at home."

Fuji glanced at the table across the room (at his _team_! his heart whispered the words to him), as he too, stood to leave. They were all in various positions of I-wasn't-listening in various levels of success. Either way you looked at it... they were _all_... here.

He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, and hurriedly followed Yuuta out the door.

xoxoxoxoxo

The table broke out into a clamor the instant they left.

Tezuka tuned them out, looking out the window, following the backs of the two brothers. Fuji shifted, turning to glance back at the restaurant. Their eyes met. For one instant, Tezuka wanted to reach out and stop him. Call him.

But two instants later, Fuji had turned back around. Walking, it seemed, slightly faster.

Tezuka wondered why he suddenly felt as if a cold shard of ice had found its way into his chest.

xoxoxoxoxo

Yuuta kicked his shoes off roughly as he entered their house.

"Taidama!" he called, and the Fuji's softer voice joined his, though they both knew that no one was home.

In silence, the two brothers automatically made their way to the kitchen. Yuuta sat down in a chair as Fuji rummaged around in the freezer. Finally, Fuji placed some mochi ice cream on a plate, set it down on the table, and sat down across from his brother.

"Ok, Yuuta, what did you want to talk about?" Smile in place.

"Aniki..." Yuuta sighed, ran a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say, "I know that you're having a hard time – "

"I'm just worried about _you_. You know nee-san and I will always – "

"_Yes_, I know, 'you'll be here to listen,' but, honestly aniki, _I'm_ worried about _you._"

The tensai's smile grew, if possible, wider, falser, icier. "Me? Why would you worry about me? I'm your older brother. You shouldn't have to worry about me, it should be the other way around."

"Will you stop turning everything around onto me? It's not always about me. And. Well. It's not always about you either."

"You've lost me." Frustratingly cool and calm.

A pause. Mouth open once or twice with false starts. "Aniki… I don't really know how to say this, but – "

"Try me."

Glare. "I _am_ trying. It's just that... I know that you're worried about," hands waved vaguely in the air, "me. Us. The family. Situation. Whatever. I don't know how to really... explain. There's just. This feeling. I get when I look at you, aniki. It's like... you're scared."

Fuji's stomach tensed, though he tried to keep it from his face. "I see..."

Yuuta saw it anyway.

"This is what I'm talking about, aniki. You keep insisting that you're okay with everything, but you're not. If anything, nee-san and_ I_ are the ones who are here for you. You're always so focused on pretending like everything's okay with yourself, even when it's not true. And then you start pushing that on me - stop being so... so _selfish_." A rush, a torrent of words, confused but insistent on being said. And dissolved in that rush, a current of truth.

Him? Selfish? Fuji Syuusuke, Genius? Protector of his little brother? What in that was selfish? Yet at the same time... those words seemed to resonate within him, striking something that he had not known was there.

"You should stop worrying about things that you don't understand, Yuuta." Fuji stood up from the table, placed the now-empty dish in the sink, and rinsed it.

Yuuta understood. The conversation was over. With his brother's back turned, and no one else to see but the sunlight (all of a sudden so cold), Yuuta's eyes reflected grief and anger.

xoxoxoxoxo

If that last sentence sounded a bit familiar, it should have. :D

Also, it looks like Yuuta wants a say in this (and I agree, because the ending section to this was a bit confusing and abrupt), so next chapter, you can expect a sort of interlude for Yuuta's opinions.

Thanks for reading! Now review please!


	9. Interlude: Family

I lied to everyone, there's not too much Yuuta in here. I'm sorry!

But in the end: time passes and things are revealed.

xoxoxoxoxo

Family

It had always been a given to Yuuta, although they way his brother and his sister told it, times had been different, once.

Once, their mother took care of them at home. Once, their father showed some interest in their lives.

Once.

But then there was the Promotion. And then the Business Deals. And then the Plane Flights, and the Packing.

And then it was a beautiful, large house that was usually empty save for three children.

Yuuta could have blamed his father, only he didn't really know the man well enough to. Yuuta could have blamed an inordinate amount of people, and he did. Those people ranged from his teachers to his own brother.

It was his brother who probably took it the hardest. And _he_ blamed, very thoroughly, his father.

That same brother tried, then, to keep his family together, to do that which, even somewhere in his child's mind, he knew to be impossible. But he'd tried because he was a genius, and his mother had said, when their father had cleaned out the last of his things, and left for the last time, "You're the man of the family now."

And he'd tried even harder when his mother had stopped saying that, had stopped really bothering to pretend everything was fine, just fine, because now he really _was _the man of the family.

Only, then _she'd _left too on those Business Deals and Plane Flights, and there was Fuji Syuusuke, wanting to hold something together, to prove his worth, so that maybe his parents would come back (with each other).

And there was Fuji Yuuta, not really understanding it all, but wanting to play with someone, preferably, hopefully Mommy.

He got his brother instead. And that was fine, he guessed, except when his aniki tried too hard, and sometimes Yuuta just wanted a _normal_ older brother, who'd give him noogies, and tell him to go away, or rebel against the parents or something.

Except there were no parents to rebel against, and what Yuuta got instead was a brother who always followed _him _everywhere "to make sure you don't get hurt or lost or anything."

To which Yuuta invariably responded, "That was _one time_, aniki, and will you just _go away_?"

And then someone did go away.

Somehow, none of them had expected it. The routine had gotten so comfortable; they hadn't ever considered it, considered the fact that their mom, always so _there, _so impervious to everything and anything, could suddenly be.

Just like that.

Gone.

And it had been Fuji Syuusuke who'd picked up the phone, and Fuji Syuusuke to take it the hardest, because he'd failed.

"Are you Fuji Yumiko or Fuji Syuusuke? Yes? Well, I'm sorry, but there's been an accident. Your mother, Fuji Yoshiko, is currently being held here at St. Luke's International Hospital. We'd like to request that you drive down immediately - "

And Fuji Syuusuke hung up, not wanting to hear, not wanting to believe it when he felt that awful gasping shock and incomprehension, because hadn't he given up on loving that woman years ago when she'd left him - no left _Yuuta _- alone all those years ago?

xoxoxoxoxo

Summer was starting to sink its teeth into the lukewarm spring.

Yuuta frowned up into the darkness of his dorm. The clock read 1:03, and he still hadn't gotten to sleep yet, because he'd been turning over all these thoughts in his head. Sighing, he rolled over, trying to find the elusive cool spot on his bed.

It was all his stupid aniki's fault. Why, why, _why _wouldn't he listen? It wasn't as if Yuuta didn't try to talk about it. He'd done so many times, undaunted even after that afternoon at the ice cream shop.

But Syuusuke hadn't wanted any part of it.

Some people would call Yuuta oblivious or rash or 'such a boy' as his last girlfriend had said. But he wasn't. Really. All those years living with his brother had taught him to be observant of other people. Those few times his parents had been home, he'd been observant enough to notice the ringing tension amongst his family (although, all right, maybe not get what was going on).

But mostly, it was his aniki that Yuuta watched. Because he was always there for him (whether Yuuta liked it or not) and so Yuuta was the one who probably knew his brother the best.

Yuuta knew that Syuusuke didn't like being always known as a genius, and that Syuusuke loved apples, but didn't like apple pie for some reason.

Yuuta knew that Syuuske wanted to be the best older brother he could be, and that Syuusuke also sometimes just didn't _get_ it when other people acted differently than him.

Yuuta knew that this was why Syuusuke thought it was so fun and interesting to do things to people to see how they'd react. In that way, he was almost as bad as that data collector on the tennis team... Inui, was it?

But most of all, Yuuta knew that his aniki didn't like depending on other people. He always wanted to be the perfect one; he_ liked_ his enigma, even though he _didn't_.

So now, when _Syuusuke_ was the one who didn't know what to do with himself, didn't understand how this could happen to _his _family, and blamed it on himself, he promptly transferred all his feeling to Yuuta.

What a dilemma.

Yuuta groaned, as he flopped over on his bed again. Stupid aniki, causing him all these troubles.

All the same, Yuuta understood how he felt.

He'd briefly run into some of his brother's friends at the sports store, and they'd all said something about having plans, and trying to get him to open up, but they'd been very vague.

At any rate, he wasn't going to trust his brother's well-being to a team with that freaky Inui on it, so something had to be done.

But what?

xoxoxoxoxo

Please R&R!


	10. Planning

I'm sorry, I rewrote this chapter several times, and I still don't like it. It's very much written as a set up for the next chapters though, so I couldn't cut it.

xoxoxoxoxo

Planning

As Momo and Inui called it, it was a Special Reconnaissance Slash Team Morale Building Slash Tennis Playing Conference.

In his head, Tezuka called it atonement.

They'd brought all their tennis things, and had been unfairly monopolizing the courts for half the morning with their half-hearted playing.

Their lack of tennis enthusiasm was highly unusual, but the reason behind it was not easy to place.

Maybe it was the onset of summer, with its ever rising temperatures. But then again, that had never stopped them before.

Maybe it was the ungodly early hour that they'd all had to wake up at to meet here. But then again, that had never stopped them before.

Most likely, what it really was, Tezuka mused, was the fact that they were all gathered to play tennis mere blocks away from Fuji's house

Ryoma was the first to speak up, to break the uneasy silence they'd come to, when the sun had started to get too warm, and they'd settled down in the shade with drinks and snacks (courtesy of Oishi).

"I thought the point of this was to think up plans for Fuji-sempai."

Eiji, sprawled on the ground, "I can't think of anything, nyyya! I've already called his phone a JILLION times, 'nd I keep going over to his house, or tryin' to invite him over, but he's always _busy_." There was an edge of annoyance to Eiji's otherwise childish whining.

At this, most of the rest of them started out in exclamations and bursts, listing the ways that they'd tried too, to no avail, in a chaos of noises and sounds, all underlined in frustration.

"I called him a few times- "

" - came in the other day at the restaurant -"

"- tried to get him to come and eat- "

"- asked him if he wanted to try some new drinks- "

"- saw his light on when I was running- "

"- Momo and I jumped him once!"

There was a pause at this latest revelation.

"Neh, sempai! I thought I told you not to bring that up again!"

Tezuka frowned, unwilling to allow them to get any more off track than they already had. "It's clear that our individual attempts have not been enough. We are meeting here today to find out what we _can_ do, either as one team, or, at least, to coordinate our efforts. Now- Inui?"

"Yes, so far, we've really done nothing other than the normal. Calling someone out for lunch, or inviting them over for fun, these are all considered actions of reconciliation after a fight. However, as I'm sure you've all notices, Fuji doesn't seem unwilling to continue our 'friendships' but he seems to be constantly 'busy.'

There were nods.

"So, what we need to do is discover the root of the problem. I've done some research on his family. And, apparently, although Yuuta only found out about Fuji's quitting after the fact, he did not make any objections to it. At the same time, Yuuta is still on his team. While there could be some friction here between the two brothers, Yuuta has made it clear that this is not the problem."

"Hey, wait," said Oishi, "How'd you find out all this?"

"Yea!" chimed in Eiji, "You talked to Yuuta? When?"

Inui cleared his throat, "I was doing some investigation and managed to find Yuuta. However, I was unable to complete the interview due to strict campus regulations about unregulated visitors. "

"In other words you snuck onto the grounds and got kicked off?" asked Momo, chortling.

"Let's focus here," said Tezuka.

Inui looked relieved to be moving on, "Well, what I managed to discover is that the last school year, Yuuta was unavailable for the majority of the winter break. I am sure you all remember that the same was true of Fuji."

"Sooo, what?" asked Eiji, "Didn't they just go on vacation or something?"

"No, Fuji would have told us if that was the case. As it is, I believe something unexpected may have come up concerning his family; however, I am unwilling to jump to conclusions without data that is entirely trustworthy. What is immediately relevant to us though, is that before my interview with Yuuta ended, he mentioned a summer carnival that Fuji was planning on attending."

"Oh! My father and I will be running a sushi stand at that carnival!"

"Uwahh, really?" cried Eiji, "We should all go! Definitely!"

"Well," said Inui, "that _is_ part of the plan."

He pulled out a piece of paper and spread it open on the ground.

"Now, if you will all make sure you can see..."

xoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for your continued support. Please R&R.


	11. Carnival

Happy New Years.

xoxoxoxoxo

Carnival

Summer was at its fullest, and the annual carnival was in, though Fuji suspected that he was not in a position to enjoy it.

The last few weeks of school, his friends had mysteriously begun avoiding him. Not in an unkind way, but Fuji suspected that they were planning something. It felt somehow odd not to be a part of their plans, and he halfway wished that he could surprise Eiji with an unannounced visit.

"Oi, aniki," called Yuuta from another room, "nee-chan will be here soon, are you ready?"

He quickly squashed the feeling though - Yuuta had agreed not to go on his tennis team overnight bonding camp for tonight. He wanted to spend every moment he could with his family.

"Yes, I'll be down in a second." Fuji replied.

And in a second, the Fuji siblings were making their way to the Summer Carnival.

xoxoxoxoxo

"Inui here, target and family have been spotted entering the fairgrounds. Are all agents positioned and ready?"

A crackling chorus of affirmations answered.

"Good. Then, let the first phase begin."

xoxoxoxoxo

"Yuuta, what do you want to do first?"

"I wanted to visit all the food stalls, what about you nee-chan?"

"Hmmmm, I wanted to win some stuffed animals!"

"Ah, Yuuta and I can win some for you."

"Ehhh, Syuusuke, what did you want to do?"

"I'm not sure," but inadvertently, his eyes drifted off to look at the slowly turning Ferris wheel, with its gently blurring lights.

"Ferris wheel, eh?" Yuuta grimaced, "That's lame, aniki."

"Only because you threw up on it once."

"Did not!"

"In your mouth - it's the same thing."

"_You_ eat two bags of cotton candy and a load of popcorn before going on the Ferris wheel, and see how you feel."

Fuji laughed, "I think I will."

Yumiko rolled her eyes, "Then, I'll buy a bag for each of us, and then we can go on the Ferris wheel."

"I don't want to!" said Yuuta, not caring how whiney he sounded, Ferris wheels were _evil_.

Fuji patted him on the head, and smiled, "Then onee-san and I will go, and you can wait down here, and win stuffed animals, and carry them around, and look like a girl."

Yuuta snorted, "Like you're one to talk."

"All right, all right!" Yumiko laughed, and grabbed Fuji's arm "Come on, Syuusuke, let's go. Yuuta, you have your cell phone, right? We'll call you!"

xoxoxoxoxo

They were standing in line, a peaceful silence between them, when Yumiko said softly, "You should have invited your friends too."

Fuji shrugged, and smiled at her, "I like spending time with the family."

"Yes, Syuusuke, you've always been a very attentive brother."

Fuji jerked his head in a way that could have meant agreement, and could have meant something else entirely.

"But you know," Yumiko continued, looking up at the night sky, "your friends are like family too. I know we've learned that not everything can be taken for granted, and it can be hard to find the right balance, but you have to understand, Syuusuke, _which_ things can't be taken for granted."

She paused, enjoying a slight breeze, and looked sideways at her brother. He was staring off into the distance, back to the homes, with their twinkling lights, beyond the fairgrounds. He was smiling, but Yumiko knew a stubborn expression when she saw it. She reached over, and tousled his hair.

"Gah! On_ee_-san! What was that for?"

She laughed, "Heaven knows I worried about you and Yuuta all the time, even when I went out with my boyfriend. Sometimes I think maybe I didn't stay home enough."

"You did fine, onee-san." Syuusuke was looking at her now, eyes open, and there was a widening to them, as if he wanted to hear what she was saying, but couldn't quite understand it.

"Oi!" cried the Ferris Wheel operator, "One more to fill this car!"

Yumiko smiled, and reached out squeeze Syuusuke's hand, "Just remember that even if you are a genius, you're still human. Don't make the same mistake twice." She bent over and kissed the top of his head, before skipping away, and taking a seat on the ride. She waved excitedly at Syuusuke, who was blushing slightly, and pretending not to know her. Oh well.

xoxoxoxoxo

Fuji frowned, as his over-exuberant sister was whisked away. The thought crossed his mind that since he wasn't riding with her anyway, he should go find Yuuta.

"We need four people in this car!" said the operator.

Fuji turned slightly to leave, when suddenly, a hand gripped his wrist tightly.

He gasped as he was pushed toward the cart.

A familiar voice behind him said quietly to the operator, "No one else on this one." An even more familiar smell reached Fuji's nostrils, as he heard the clink of a glass set upon the ticket booth. The operator made a gagging sound that seemed to indicate agreement.

Ah. Both took their seats in the cart, and the wheel moved on.

"Inui."

"Fuji."

xoxoxoxoxo

So it begins.


	12. Suspicions

I think the problem was that I was trying to make my chapters too long. Here's something short to tide us over until the next update.

xoxoxoxoxo

Suspicions

Fuji looked outside, as the cart began to move upward. Let Inui make the first move.

"You're here with your family?"

"Yes."

"What a coincidence. Taka and his father are running a booth here, and we were all invited to come."

"Really? I'll have to be sure to let Yuuta know."

There was a long silence, as Fuji watched the scenery outside, and Inui watched Fuji.

"I'm warning you right now Fuji, that we're not letting you get away with this so easily."

No answer.

"All of us are here today. We're going to find out what's going on, because you can't just ignore us forever. We're your friends, and we're not going to stop being friends any time soon. But you can't expect us to sit around and do nothing."

The data collector paused. Fuji shifted in his seat, and turned to look at Inui. "Is that a threat?"

"You could take it that way."

"I see."

"It's a challenge."

"A challenge?"

"How much do you think you can push us away without any repercussions?"

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"Yuuta told us."

Ah. "Yuuta's in on this?" It was not so much a question as a statement.

Inui did not answer.

The Ferris wheel swayed gently to a stop. The round was finished.

They both stood up to leave. Before Inui stepped out of the cart, he turned to look back at Fuji, pushed his glasses up with a glint, "It's also a promise." And then he disappeared into the crowd and the light.

xoxoxoxoxo

Fuji stepped out, and nearly fell over as his sister glomped him from behind. "Syuusuuuuke! Was that your friend I saw just now?"

He extracted himself from her death grip and turned around. Yuuta was standing behind his sister, attempting to eat some yakitori(1) and sushi at the same time and carrying a large pink teddy bear. "Depends on who you saw," Fuji answered, smiling.

His sister returned the smile, and then plucked the bear from Yuuta's grasp, "Look what Yuuta won for me!"

"Mmm, I don't know, onee-san, Yuuta looks like he wants to keep it for himself."

To the contrary, Yuuta looked quite relieved to be rid of the pink bear, and had begun stuffing his face with sushi the instant the bear was out of his arms. "Grnnnhhf, smmmh!" he said.

Both his siblings laughed. "I'm sorry, Yuuta, what was that? You named the bear Ayame?" Fuji purposely picked the name of a girl that he knew Yuuta liked.

Yuuta choked, and sushi flew everywhere.

"Enough of that, now. Yuuta, we can buy our own sushi, no need to feed us by regurgitation," giggled Yumiko. She headed off in the direction of the food stalls, and the two brothers followed.

"By the way, Yuuta," Fuji began casually, "You wouldn't happen to know anything about Inui being here, would you?"

Yuuta swallowed his food and looked at his brother blankly (although Fuji could have sworn that Yuuta had twitched at the mention of Inui's name),"Noooo, I knew your friend Kawamura was here." He waved the almost empty sushi box in hand, "That's where I got this from."

Hmmm. Still suspicious. "Inui says they have plans."

"...do... they now?" Yuuta thought about this for a second and then grinned at his brother.

_Very_ suspicious.

xoxoxoxoxo

In the shadows, a voice hissed, feeling slightly stupid, "Fsssh, targets approaching correct location. Begin Phase Two." And then he moved off before people could give him anymore odd looks.

xoxoxoxoxo

The lights were bright around Kawamura's (FRESH!) Sushi Stand, and there was a sizeable crowd about the place, particularly for a carnival stand.

"Good evening, Kawamura-san," said Yumiko.

"Ahh! Fuji-san, nice to see you again. Yuuta-kun, back again?"

"Yes sir, have you got nigiri tamago?"(1)

"I'll be going with unagi sushi today, please,"(2) injected Yumiko.

Nodding, the elder Kawamura turned to make their orders and called somewhere inside the stand, "Oi, Taka - you don't have to stay here all night you know, get out and have some fun!"

A few seconds later, there was a responding call, and Kawamura Takashi emerged from the stand looking nervous, "Good evening, um, heard you two were out here." There was a pause as he looked about and asked casually, "Where's Fuji?"

"I think he drifted off somewhere back there," Yumiko replied, casually waving a hand without bothering to look around. She raised her eyebrows with a knowing smile, "Who did you say told you we were out here?"

"And what's this I hear about a plan of yours...?" asked Yuuta.

Kawamura shifted around nervously, then sighed, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell you – why don't we sit down and we can discuss this over some food."

xoxoxoxoxo

(1) nigiri tamago: Not sure if it was tamago nigiri or nigiri tamago, but this is essentially omelette sushi.

(2) unagi sushi: Sushi with eel.

Yuuta was not actually 'in on this' as Fuji thought - obviously. Yuuta just figured that any plan was better than none at all.


	13. Desire

Hi guys, please see my profile for a more detailed author's note.

Also, I have gone back and edited all the previous chapters – some editing and rewording, nothing too major.

xoxoxoxoxo

Desire

He had been silently enjoying the lights and smells of the carnival, trailing just a bit behind his siblings, when a sudden, starkly familiar weight clamped on to his back and tentacle-like arms wrapped around his head, making vision impossible.

For an instant, Fuji couldn't breathe. Anyone watching would have said it was because he had just been glomped by a very athletic and heavy-looking redhead. But Fuji had felt a sudden tightening in his chest, the sudden contact like the abrupt crashing of a cold wave over his head.

Crowded in the current of this wave came memories of the comforting familiarity of friends, a comfort he'd convinced himself he needed not, missed not.

In an instant, he saw a day filled with sun and excitement and cheering when everyone was hugging everyone, because they had _won_ –

- He saw the golden afternoon sunlight slinking through the empty school hallways, felt the familiar weight of his tennis bag on his back and friendly arms around his shoulders -

- Tasted ice cream and remembered ridiculous training camps and teddy bears and movies –

- and even though Fuji knew that all this had happened in a time, not so long ago, it felt like years, if felt like looking through an old, clouded window, beyond which there lay an entire terrifying surge of memories that Fuji felt rising up -

– and in that same instant the memories snapped away to the present as a voice chuckled right into his ear, " Nyehehehehehe," said Eiji, "you cannot escape now!"

Fuji reached up and shakily attempted to pry Eiji's fingers off his face, but this only made Eiji cling on even tighter.

There was no struggling with the childish redhead when he was in these moods, Fuji knew, and he wildly wondered where Yuuta and Yumiko were and, as they weren't helping him, how they could have betrayed him to the almost-certain insanity of his teammates.

The arm around his neck suddenly loosened, and near his ear the static buzz of a walkie-talkie grated and Eiji's voice cheerily declared, "Target locked! Red Cat, out!"

Very carefully, Fuji's still stunned mind began to grasp the bizarreness of the situation he had found himself in. Inui was, apparently, trying to reenact a bad spy movie, complete with walkie-talkies. And he had unwittingly allowed himself to be cast in the leading role. Almost-certain insanity, indeed.

"Hi Fuji!" said Eiji, happily oblivious to the slow mental breakdown Fuji was having, "You're giving me a piggy-back ride!"

Fuji remained stoic, considering his options. Any method of escape he could think of involved physically attacking Eiji, and while he had been able to evade his friends, his genius could think of no possible way out of a direct confrontation such as this. Although he and Eiji were approximately the same strength, Fuji was unwilling to cause a scene.

"My sister and brother – we were heading to Kawamura's," Fuji replied slowly, clinging on to this single shred of rationality, "I should join them, as I'm sure they'll be concerned."

"Aw, don't worry about it!" Eiji replied, "We'll just tell them you're giving me a piggy back ride! Now, go!"

Who, Fuji wondered, was _we_? But suddenly the walkie-talkie gave another crackle, and Kawamura's voice could be heard saying, "Yuuta-kun and Yumiko-san have, umm, given full approval…so…, er…Burning Sushi… out."

"Excellent," came Inui's reply a second later, "Direct Target towards Phase 3, ASAP, Dataman out."

Fuji hated his friends. For a fleeting moment, he really did. He just wanted them to leave him alone – he hated being caught unawares, feeling like he wasn't in control. He felt like an outsider, not knowing what was going on, being unwillingly dragged into their ridiculous shenanigans.

He hated their over exaggerated, childish, simplistic "_plans."_ He hated their naivety.

He envied them. He wanted Tezuka's confidence, and Inui's data-certified certainty, and Ryoma's attitude, Oishi's optimism, Eiji's childishness, Taka's strength, Kaidoh's endurance, Momo's rapport with others. Their belief that if you just worked hard enough, and threw everything you had at whatever the problem was, it would turn out ok.

That's not the way it works, he wanted to tell them. There are things in life you can't get back, no matter how hard you try.

He wished he was still a child.

He wanted someone to tell him everything would be ok.

He wanted someone to tell him it was ok if he wasn't genius, people would still like him anyhow.

He wanted someone to tell him it was ok if he wasn't perfect – the world would continue turning.

He wanted to be naïve enough to believe it (but he wasn't, because his mom had made that mistake, had stopped pretending everything was perfect, and everything had fallen apart right after that).

He wanted to laugh at the team's ridiculous shenanigans, laugh _with_ them, the way he used to.

He wanted his team.

His resolve to resist being pulled into his friends' crazy machinations slowly ebbed away. In its place, a sense of self-deprecating amusement began kicking in.

Eiji had also begun kicking him, "Go right," Eiji nagged, "Go right gorightrightright!"

Fuji felt pathetic. For all that he was a genius he couldn't seem to do anything without having to turn to someone else for help.

He wondered when he had realized that that he was so powerless against the sweeping currents of life?

Maybe a long time ago. Maybe back when his father had first left, and then when his mother had started becoming distant, he had already known.

He'd wanted to be the man of the family; strong and smart like people expected of him, even if he wasn't. And people didn't look too deeply or ask too many questions about genius. Genius was best left in the shadows, admired from a distance. So people saw what they wanted and he'd kept hiding, running, pretending to be the brother and son his family needed.

He'd pretended, believing, hoping for the longest time that he could still find his footing, and bring his family back – whole and safe.

So he would go along, just this once, because he was still hoping, still looking for a way, and maybe these friends of his knew of one. And if it turned out terrible and stupid and wrong? Well the world was already terrible and he had already been proven stupid and wrong, but maybe, just maybe, could he pretend for just one more night?

xoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! What do you think? Still readable or have I lost my touch?


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